I seriously hate ants. I know they are tiny and relatively harmless. But I hate them……H-A-T-E them. And we get them every year now. And really bad when it rains. And it rained today. A lot. A lot of rain=a lot of ants. YUCK! We found some really great ant traps that usually work really well. But even those aren’t working this time. There are still several stray ants crawling around my computer desk. This is where I spend most of my time at home. I am either checking email, paying bills, researching diabetes, Facebooking, blogging, etc., etc., etc., so it is especially annoying. It’s like they are taunting me. Running around my desk, across the keyboard (pretty sure there is a family of ants camped out between the “w” and the “e” key), across the screen of the laptop and I am sure in my diet Coke. I can only imagine how many of the tiny buggers I have consumed. And even when I’m not sitting at the computer desk I feel like they are crawling on me, probably because the other night I got into bed and there was one crawling on my arm. BARF! And if those aren’t enough reasons to hate them, I have one more reason….. they sent me to Wal-Mart. And there is only one thing I hate more than ants and that is going to Wal-Mart. (Okay there are lots of things I hate more than ants, like racism and bullying and diabetes, but you get my point.) And my friends and family know this. My sister called me one time and when I answered she asked me where I was. I replied, “hell”, and she said, “oh, Wal-Mart”.
Yes, I am pretty sure Wal-Mart is a form of hell. Or at least it is a stop on the way to hell. But at least you can get everything you ever wanted there on your way to hell. This is one of the things that annoys me about Wal-Mart. Most people think it is convenient that you can get anything from shampoo to shotguns at Wal-Mart, I find it obnoxious. Because they sell so much stuff, the store is huge. There is no quick trip in and out of Wal-Mart. And if you get to the register and then remember that you forgot to get milk, well forget it. The next ferry to Milkland doesn’t leave for 30 minutes and you’re going to need one as far away as they put the milk from the check-out registers. And it’s like nothing is sacred anymore. I mean seriously, you can get anything there. Salon-only hair products, specialty sports equipment, I swear I saw a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s in the shoe department! They have a whole section of “As Seen On TV” crap. Well I guess it’s not just seen on TV when you pimp all your stuff out to Wal-Mart now is it? And yet, with all this stuff, (stuff I never knew existed, therefore I didn’t need it or want it until I got to hell), ends up in my cart. Today I had to physically restrain myself from putting a Baby Bullet into my cart. (It’s the smaller brother to the Magic Bullet-which I already have- that you use to make your own baby food! So cute!) And when you have this much crap in your store, you are going to attract a lot of people….and not all of them good. (May I refer you to exhibit A, www.peopleofwalmart.com ) There are other people there, too, like 2 year-olds at midnight and my kids’ teacher when I am yelling at them, and my neighbor whom I told I couldn’t play BUNCO because I had a terrible headache. Ugh. I just want to go in to the store, get what I need and get out. I don’t have the tolerance or self-control for Wal-Mart. Which is why I usually make my husband go. But I was fed up with the ants. Me and the ants needed to have a “coming to Jesus” talk. So I ventured out, in the rain, to hell because come hell or high water, I was getting rid of those ants! And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go evict a family of ants from my keyboard with a can of air….that I bought at Wal-Mart.