WifeMomPancreas

I must stop reading Meri Schuhmacher’s blog, Our Diabetic Life.

Every time I read it, it takes me further away from my own computer.

I read her posts and she is able to nail down my thoughts with her words so well, I think, why do I need to write? She has already written it. And she has written it better than I could. I suppose 14 years of experience as a D-mom has given her ample opportunities to parlay her thoughts into eloquent words, but damn, she is good.

So why bother?

Here’s why.

Because we each have our own story. And as much as it may seem similar to someone else’s, it is uniquely our own.

We just might have an idea or a perspective on something that is just different enough to make a difference to someone.

And I really can’t blame this all on Meri. Part of why I am not writing, it that I am stressed. Way, way stressed.

We have been trying to sell our house for 2 months now. I have watched houses all around mine sell. We have put lots of time and money into updates based on Realtor feedback. We have dropped the price, twice. I have to have the house in pristine condition every morning when I leave for work in case we get a request for a showing during the day. And keeping a house in immaculate condition with 3 busy boys and 2 full-time working parents is about to kill me. And to top it off, we are about to loose the lot we hand-picked to build on. So we REALLY need to sell our house.

And then there is work. Ah work. I will be traveling to Wisconsin for the better part of the last 2 weeks of October to learn how to build, implement and support an entirely new electronic medical record for the very large health system that I work for. I will go back again in November as well. Then I will spend the next 18 months or so working on that. I am not complaining. I am thrilled to have a stable job, and am actually really excited to learn all of this from the ground up. But being away from home and my kids so much is going to be very hard for me and a logistical nightmare. Please pray for my husband.

And then there’s my health. I found out this week that food sits in my stomach for 8 hours before moving on, which is the cause of my feeling like crap all the time. I don’t really know what it all means, I go back to the doctor next week to discuss next steps. And while I am thrilled to have some answers, this on-going pain and nausea really gets in the way of me being happy and productive.

And then there is Medium’s behavior and my inability to manage it. Can I make a confession? Of course I can, this is my blog. I’m ready to give up on him. I’m ready to just wash my hands of him and be done. I love him. I love him more than I can express, which is why I want so badly to “fix” him. But I can’t. I am out of ideas. There are no more tricks up my sleeve. I am waving the white flag. My love for him isn’t enough.

And let’s not forget about diabetes and all it’s baggage. Medium’s been doing great–diabetes wise–, but it takes a lot to manage it and keep him doing great. And diabetes can’t be put on the back burner just because we have a lot of other things going on.

So it’s not really Meri’s fault that I’m not writing. I just don’t have time. With all of this other crap going on, something’s gotta give, and right now it is my writing.

Next is my sanity.