ADHD | WifeMomPancreas

I Have No Idea What I Am Doing

Wow, it has been so long since I blogged that I had to go back and read some of my own posts to reacquaint myself with my blog!

And boy was I angry a month ago. Wow. I promise to not do THAT again! Well, I guess I can’t promise that, but I will try. 🙂

So, so much has happened in the last 6 weeks. I have just been super busy. My oldest and my youngest and I were all in a production of The Wizard of Oz last weekend. It was so much fun, but man was that exhausting! For three weeks straight I went straight from work to rehearsal. Fourteen hour days for three weeks almost killed me! Thank God Medium went to diabetes camp during that time and I actually got five nights of uninterrupted sleep! I was so worried about him and what his numbers were and how he was doing and if he was having any fun at all or was he just terribly homesick, that I had to take an Ambien every night to ensure that I actually slept. But then my days were filled with work and Oz rehearsal so the week really flew by! And he had a great time! He did not brush his teeth even once while he was gone, but he had fun! He had fun and we got a MUCH NEEDED break! So I’d say it was a success!

I really struggled when he first got back from camp. His emotions were all over the place and I think he was exhausted. And then there were his blood sugars. They were SUPER high when he got back from camp. I was really feeling guilty about how I was feeling; that it was so nice while he was gone. We could eat food without thinking about what it was, how many ounces it was and how many carbohydrates were in it. The house stayed picked up, there was no arguing between the other boys, there was so much less stress in the house with him gone. Because besides having T1D, Medium also has ADHD and that, sometimes, is harder to deal with than the diabetes. At least with diabetes you know what you are trying to accomplish. It might be extremely difficult sometimes to hit that moving target, but at least I know that I am trying to hit the target. I know that I need to keep his blood glucose between 70 mg/dL and 140 mg/dL at all times. That is my goal. And to accomplish that goal, I check his blood sugar often and then I either feed him or give him insulin. I am over-simplifying this to make my point, which I will get to, someday.

With ADHD, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING! (hey, look at that, I got right to the point! Not usually my style!)

There is no rule book. When he lies to me, I don’t know if that is him being a pain in the butt 10 year-old or if that is his ADHD. When he sneaks food, I don’t know if that is him just taking what he wants because he is a kid, or if it is the uncontrolled impulses of his ADHD. When we ask him to take a shower and he yells at us and tells us that he’s not going to do that and that we are stupid, is that just him being defiant, or is that his ADHD? And then when we finally drag his sorry butt up the stairs and walk him into the shower and then he comes out of the shower with dry hair and puts on dirty clothing, is that just him being lazy, or is that his inability to focus and complete tasks with multiple steps that is a hallmark sign of ADHD?

The answer is, I just don’t know. And I don’t know what to do about it. We have tried everything. We have punished, we have yelled, we have taken away privileges, we have spanked, we have tried natural consequences, we have done it all. NONE OF IT MAKES A SHIT BIT OF DIFFERENCE! Which is what makes me think, it is more his ADHD than anything. So then what do we do? Just let him get away with this behavior? ADHD or not, this kind of behavior is not acceptable and should have consequences. So he is either ALWAYS in trouble, or just walks scott-free. I feel bad when he is always in trouble, especially if he really can’t control it, but I can’t stand the behavior!

We have been dealing with these issues all of his life (and for the record, he does take medication for his ADHD). Then he was diagnosed with diabetes and things have gotten worse. Now there are far graver consequences to him sneaking food (one of his favorite pastimes). And for the first six weeks after diagnosis we were waking him up in the middle of the night to feed him because he was low, so we knew he wasn’t sleeping well, so we chalked up his bad behavior to being tired and not feeling well from blood sugar swings of highs and lows. And then, of course, there is the simple fact that the kid was diagnosed with a life-threatening, chronic disease with no cure. So of course we wanted to cut him some slack.

But it has been six months since diagnosis and we have got to get a handle on this situation. We got the name of a counselor from a friend and I think we need to take him. Not just for us, but for him. Honestly, he doesn’t seem to be bothered too much by his diagnosis, but I know that he might be keeping it all in, or not know how to talk about it.

So we will try this.

Because if we don’t….

Ketostix, Curve Balls and My New BFF

As is commonly the case when dealing with diabetics, especially newly diagnosed children with diabetes, today got totally derailed. First of all I forgot that my husband had to leave early today and he usually does the morning routine at our house (yes, I know, he is a saint, blah, blah, blah). You know, that brings up another thing that irritates me (referring back to my Ground Rules and Disclaimers post). My husband wakes up early. Always has, always will. He tries to sleep in, but he just can’t. It’s his natural circadian rhythm. I am a night owl and loathe, LOATHE, getting out of bed in the morning. So this works for our family. But I get so tired of people thinking that he is a saint, and I am some kind of slacker, loser who is so LUCKY to be married to him. I mean, I am lucky to be married to him, for lots of reasons, and although we have been through some rough times, I love him. But why should he get some kind of award because he gets up in the morning and takes care of HIS kids? What, is this 1952? Oh, and you know what else? He does laundry, and dishes, too. And, most of the cooking falls in his department (although microwaving hot dogs and making Bosco sticks in the toaster oven isn’t EXACTLY cooking, but I will take it). (Neither of us is very good at cleaning. I “pick up” a lot and clean toilets daily, but the rest of the house…..well, just don’t come over unannounced please). But do you know why he does all of this? BECAUSE THIS IS HIS HOUSE AND HIS FAMILY, TOO, AND WE BOTH WORK FULL-TIME AND I DO A MILLION OTHER THINGS THAT HE CAN’T BEGIN TO ACCOMPLISH BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! Housework is not my strength and he complains about the way I do laundry. So, I pay all the bills, go through all the mail and kids backpacks, schedule everyone’s appointments, make sure everyone has their permission slips for field trips and are signed up for soccer and have their order forms for school picture day, make sure to refill everyone’s prescriptions, keep in contact with all 3 kids’ teachers about their grades, homework and projects, check-in with the diabetes educators and talk to the school nurse several times a day, etc., etc., etc., and he does the household chores. That is what works for us. GET OVER IT EVERYONE! Now, all that being said, I AM very thankful that he realizes that he should take some of the responsibility in keeping this household running, as I know that some husbands still think it is 1952 and that their wives should do it all. But this is the bain of my existence, of most women I’m sure. No matter how hard I try to “do it all” I just can’t. And all I want is for someone to acknowledge what I do get done and appreciate me for it.

WOW! I really needed to get that off my chest. Whew, now where was I? Oh yes, my day got derailed (much like this post just did)! So my husband left early and I had already let my exhausted self sleep a little more this morning so now I was going to be late to work since I had to take care of Medium and all of his medical issues this morning. I needed to jump in the shower, but instead I had to go downstairs and count carbs and stab my child with a needle. Then stalk him to make sure he ate all of his breakfast and then have him wash it down with his ADHD medicine (oh yeah, did I mention that along with having T1D, Medium also has ADHD. He was diagnosed the summer before first grade and we tried everything we could to keep him off medication but nothing worked and we started him on meds three years ago. I HATE, HATE, HATE him on his ADHD meds and we have tried different meds and doses over the years, but the fact is, that he needs them. With them he is a self-controlled, respectful, straight A student (albeit without any personality-the part I HATE), without the meds he is an out-of-control, flight of ideas, jibber jabberer who makes impulsive decisions and disrupts his classroom. The idea is that he will learn what self-contol feels like on the meds so that one day, we will be able to take away the meds and he will still be able to control himself. Yeah, that’s the idea. I don’t buy it.) Anyway, back to the derailment of my day. Of course he misses the bus so I have to take him to school and of course he is late so I have to park and walk him inside. But that’s okay, it gives me a chance to say hello to my new best friend, the school nurse. Now I am late to work. Ugh. I manage a couple of hours of work before I get an email from my new BFF, the school nurse. “Medium’s blood sugar is 310”. Whoa! We haven’t been in the 300’s since right after diagnosis. This information along with the fact that he told me he was super thirsty when I checked him at 3 a.m. had me a little worried and I thought it best that we check his ketones. But of course we don’t have ketostix (the strips you use to test for ketones) at school. So I left work, drove home to get the ketostix and went back up to see my new BFF, the school nurse. Medium peed in a cup, I dipped the stick in, and 30 seconds later, ta-da, no ketones. Big sigh of relief. My boss let me work from home for the rest of the day instead of driving the 30 minutes back to the office. I was able to work in peace and quiet all afternoon and get my day back on track…..until the next curve ball anyway.