Tag Archives: women

Feb 17 2013
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

Diabetes Isn’t Funny…And Neither Is This Blog

I have been struggling to write lately. I had been blaming it on our busy fall schedule, having the house on the market, the move, the holidays…..

But it seems that those were just excuses.

I think I have identified the problem.

Diabetes isn’t funny.

I am a funny person (people tell me this anyway). And I do know, and fully admit, that I always use humor to diffuse unpleasant situations. So I love to write funny shit. And I was blessed with a personality and perspective to always find the funny shit.

But diabetes isn’t funny.

And this blog is about diabetes and my thoughts, feelings and experiences with having a child diagnosed with diabetes. And I passionately want to educate people about this disease and I want to be a source of information for new families facing this awful diagnosis.

But again, I have to say it. Diabetes isn’t funny.

I mean, it’s not even remotely funny.

There is nothing funny about blood sugars in the 500’s with moderate ketones.

And I assure you that a blood sugar of 31 is not going to get a chuckle from me.

I promise you that worrying about whether my son will loose his eyesight or keep his limbs, is not the least bit whimsical.

Hoping and praying that my son will someday find someone who will love him and be willing to take on the beast that is this disease does not crack me up.

So, all I am left to write about is the sad, scary, lonely, depressing feelings I have about diabetes.

And that sucks.

It bums me out.

I have already written posts about how type 1 has nothing to do with sugar, and that it really is about a confused immune system and bad luck. I have written many times about how tired I am now that I have to set alarms and check blood sugars all night long and how that contributes to anxiety and feelings of depression.

I have written about the “Honeymoon” period and even about diabetes and ADHD.

Sure I have peppered in a few non-diabetes related posts about ants, laundry, computers and make-up (this one is hilarious-if I do say so myself! And totally true!)

I’ve even written more than one post about not having anything to write about!

But this blog is supposed to be a source for others going through the same thing to find valuable information about timely, targeted diabetes information!

Right?

Ok, so I’ve made a decision.

This is my blog and I can do whatever I want. I didn’t sign any contract to ONLY provide diabetes related posts!

And the fact is, that while others that are going through the same thing as me DO need diabetes information, they are still regular people who need to laugh and get AWAY from diabetes sometimes.

Sometimes you need to read about how someone else’s 5 year-old had a MASSIVE code brown in the MEN’S room at a high school during your other son’s basketball tournament and how you had to have your oldest son stand guard outside and not let any men in and how in the end you had to abort the underwear  AND shorts AND shoes and usher the 5 year-old out the side door before you either got chastised by the janitor or arrested for having a half-naked 5 year-old in a public place. (Yeah, pretty sure we are not welcome at Shawnee Mission West High School anymore).

So, my friends, as I am entering the second year of my blog, I am taking it a new direction. If I’m ever going to write again. I’m going to have to start including some non D material.

After all, the name of the blog is WifeMomPancreas, because I am not just a pancreas!

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Jan 17 2013
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

Hell Hath No Fury

I’ve had a house guest for almost a year now. He was not invited, and he won’t leave. I’ve been really busy for the last few months so we’ve been able to stay out of each other’s way, for the most part.

But Medium’s numbers have been totally whack lately and it’s all his fault. The uninvited guest, that is.

The other night when we checked at bedtime he was 467……WTH? 467??? Just two hours earlier he was in the 100’s. So of course I rage bolused on him and then checked  him 2 hours later and he was 187. Then I decided to check him again at 3:00 a.m. because I got up to pee.

My bleary eyes watched the countdown on the meter 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…..54.

Blink. Blink.

54.

Get the hell out of my house. I’m so over you, you don’t even know it.

It’s easy to push him to the back of my mind when I am extremely busy. It is easy for me to not get down about him when I don’t have time to think about him.

But things have finally slowed down a little bit in my life and now he is all up in my grill again.

And as much as I want to stick my head in the sand and ignore him, I can’t.

Because my son’s life depends on me paying attention to the rude, ugly, smelly, obtrusive and down-right abusive guest.

So here I sit. Vigilantly watching the stupid SOB.

He’d better sleep with one eye open.

Hell hath no fury like a woman whose child’s life has been threatened.

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Jan 16 2013
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

A Mother’s Wish

sunrise tree***So….it has been so long since I have blogged that I just found this post that I wrote back at the beginning of December and, for reasons that I cannot remember, I did not post. So this should have been posted on December 2nd….better late than never??? Anyway….

Tonight I met the mom of a boy that is in the cast of Nuncrackers with Large. We’ve know of this boy for a while because he is active in the Kansas City theater community, but this is the first time he and Large have done a show together. Several of us parents were lamenting at how busy life is especially with these theater kids and rehearsals and how most of us live so far away from downtown and the areas where most of the theaters are.  All of us in the conversation were working moms. One of the mom’s has recently gone back to full time work and I was commiserating with her as less than 2 years ago I went from part time to full time too. I mentioned how that was already hard and then Medium was diagnosed with t1d this year and how much I hate being so far away from him every day. So the mom of this other boy sits up and says that her oldest has type 1 and has had it for 14 years. Who knew?  She was asking how we were doing and commented how the first year was the hardest.

I sort of unleashed on her and told her about the downward spiral I took into the deep, dark pit of despair (the DDPOD) right after diagnosis. I told her that what sent me into that pit was reading things, mostly blogs on the internet, and being smacked in the face with the reality of what our life was going to be like and all of the things that I hadn’t yet worried about but now knew to worry about. I told her how I started a blog to deal with my emotions. She told me that she wrote and recorded a song with her son about how she felt. And as she was telling me this it was sounding really familiar. Turns out, we got her CD in the hospital with a bunch of other stuff; poems, books, websites, etc. And her song was one of the things that I just could not listen to in those early days. The words were written inside the CD and I started to read them, but couldn’t even finish. I didn’t want to learn any more things that I needed to worry about. I already knew that I was praying for a cure, but I wasn’t ready to really know what that meant. Because what it meant was that every day for the rest of my life I would hope and pray for a cure so that my son could live a long, happy life with legs that would take him where he wanted to go. So that he could see the world with strong eyes, and have a strong heart to find the right girl. (Words from Renee Austin’s song, “A Mother’s Wish”.)

So I came home tonight and I went somewhere I hadn’t been in a long time. I opened the drawer that held all of those poems, and books and her CD. And I got it out and I listened to it for the first time. And I cried just as hard today as I probably would have if I had listened to it back then.

Because it is true. It is the ugliest truth there is; that your child’s health and happiness are threatened every day.

But I have a different perspective now than I had ten months ago and I wasn’t crying from that same terrified place. I’m not going back into the DDPOD. That was a place where there was no hope.

I am still scared. I am still sad. I still worry every day about my son’s future.

But I have hope now.  Ten months ago I had no hope.

We are doing this. It is hard, and scary and awful sometimes. But we are doing it.

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Oct 30 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

Airing My Dirty Laundry

I know that it is a time tested woe of families everywhere, but I have to take a moment out of my life to rant about laundry.

 

I think the Duggars are the only people on the planet who have more laundry than we do.

And I know that it is my fault for buying so many clothes. Well, actually, I used to buy my boys a ton of clothes. I don’t buy them anything anymore because all they will wear is the t-shirt they got from football camp or VBS or some other article of clothing that looks like we dug through the lost and found! But even though I am not buying many new items, I obviously need to go through the stuff we do have and pare down a bit. But still. The amount of laundry we have is crazy, insane, asinine, redonkulous….call it what you want, it is just wrong. Today I counted 6 baskets of clean laundry (curiously place all around my house-none of it folded),  a GINORMOUS pile of dirty laundry in our master bathroom, an over-flowing basket of dirty laundry in Brett’s closet, a full three-section hamper of dirty laundry in the laundry room, a huge pile of clean laundry on the counter in the laundry room and a load in each the washer and the dryer. And this doesn’t even include all of the dirty socks, uniforms and other random items that I’m sure are in my car needing to be laundered.

And socks? Oh don’t even get me started on socks. We are not independently wealthy but I swear I am just going to start throwing socks away and buying new ones every week. There isn’t enough Xanax in the world to deal with trying to match up socks for 3 boys!

So I have identified part of them problem- we have too many clothes.

I think I know the other part of the problem and I know I am going to get all kinds of comments and hate mail for this , but here goes.

My dear husband, whom I love very much, is responsible for laundry in our house. I do the mail, pay the bills, make appointments, keep the family calendar, go through school backpacks, he does the laundry.

And I don’t like how he does it. (Ironically, he doesn’t like how I do it either, which is how he won himself the title of Laundry King in the first place….but I digress).

He waits and lets it all pile up for days and days, and then he will do 87 loads in one day. The problem with this is that then when those 87 loads come out of the dryer, he rarely folds it, and NEVER puts it away. So we either have ginormous piles of dirty laundry or thousands of baskets of clean laundry laying around.

And I know what you are all thinking, “SHUT UP WOMAN, AT LEAST HE IS DOING THE LAUNDRY! I’D GIVE MY LEFT ARM, OR MY LAST BOTTLE OF WINE, IF MY HUSBAND WOULD JUST DO ONE LOAD OF LAUNDRY, LET ALONE ALL OF IT! COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING REAL TO CRY ABOUT!”

And I know that if someone were asking me for advice, I would tell them that if they want something done a certain way then they either need to do it themselves or they need to hire someone to do it so they can yell at them and say, “hey, I’m paying you to do this, so do it MY way!”

But I can’t afford to pay my husband to do it, and I don’t have time to do it myself. I am going to have to find another way to deal with my evil nemesis. But until then, I will just vent about it on my blog. (So no, I’m not going to shut up. It’s my blog and I can cry about laundry if I want to!)

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Oct 12 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

It’s All Meri’s Fault (ok….not really)

I must stop reading Meri Schuhmacher’s blog, Our Diabetic Life.

Every time I read it, it takes me further away from my own computer.

I read her posts and she is able to nail down my thoughts with her words so well, I think, why do I need to write? She has already written it. And she has written it better than I could. I suppose 14 years of experience as a D-mom has given her ample opportunities to parlay her thoughts into eloquent words, but damn, she is good.

So why bother?

Here’s why.

Because we each have our own story. And as much as it may seem similar to someone else’s, it is uniquely our own.

We just might have an idea or a perspective on something that is just different enough to make a difference to someone.

And I really can’t blame this all on Meri. Part of why I am not writing, it that I am stressed. Way, way stressed.

We have been trying to sell our house for 2 months now. I have watched houses all around mine sell. We have put lots of time and money into updates based on Realtor feedback. We have dropped the price, twice. I have to have the house in pristine condition every morning when I leave for work in case we get a request for a showing during the day. And keeping a house in immaculate condition with 3 busy boys and 2 full-time working parents is about to kill me. And to top it off, we are about to loose the lot we hand-picked to build on. So we REALLY need to sell our house.

And then there is work. Ah work. I will be traveling to Wisconsin for the better part of the last 2 weeks of October to learn how to build, implement and support an entirely new electronic medical record for the very large health system that I work for. I will go back again in November as well. Then I will spend the next 18 months or so working on that. I am not complaining. I am thrilled to have a stable job, and am actually really excited to learn all of this from the ground up. But being away from home and my kids so much is going to be very hard for me and a logistical nightmare. Please pray for my husband.

And then there’s my health. I found out this week that food sits in my stomach for 8 hours before moving on, which is the cause of my feeling like crap all the time. I don’t really know what it all means, I go back to the doctor next week to discuss next steps. And while I am thrilled to have some answers, this on-going pain and nausea really gets in the way of me being happy and productive.

And then there is Medium’s behavior and my inability to manage it. Can I make a confession? Of course I can, this is my blog. I’m ready to give up on him. I’m ready to just wash my hands of him and be done. I love him. I love him more than I can express, which is why I want so badly to “fix” him. But I can’t. I am out of ideas. There are no more tricks up my sleeve. I am waving the white flag. My love for him isn’t enough.

And let’s not forget about diabetes and all it’s baggage. Medium’s been doing great–diabetes wise–, but it takes a lot to manage it and keep him doing great. And diabetes can’t be put on the back burner just because we have a lot of other things going on.

So it’s not really Meri’s fault that I’m not writing. I just don’t have time. With all of this other crap going on, something’s gotta give, and right now it is my writing.

Next is my sanity.

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Oct 10 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

Would You Rather….

I heard that the new Dexcom G4 continuous glucose monitor just got it’s FDA approval so I went to their website to do some research. Medium has the Medtronic CGM and I hate it almost as much as he does. It is not very accurate and we have not used it since June. We have been managing just fine without it, but if new and better technology exists for my son, I want to check it out.

So, anyway, I watched the little video and then poked around the website some. And then there she was. The woman who made me think to myself, “I would take diabetes if I could have her body”.

Can you believe I actually thought that? That knowing what I know about diabetes and it’s devastating affects on people, that I would actually wish for it?

I was immediately ashamed for thinking it. I have watched what my son goes through first hand and to think something like that somehow diminishes it’s seriousness; makes it like some kind of non-threatening, little “issue” that is not any big deal.

But it speaks volumes about my issues with body image. This woman was very thin, but not too thin, looked great in a pair of jeans and had a very nice, um er, chest area. She was perfectly proportioned.

She was a model and probably airbrushed. But still. I would give anything, even my non-diabetic status, to look like her.

So this got me thinking.  

Number 1: I have issues and probably need professional counseling.

And Number 2: How desperate for youth and beauty have we become as a society? How far will people really go to achieve the ultimate look? If I really could trade my health for that body….would I really do it?

I know you are thinking, “no, of course you wouldn’t”….

But I’m not so sure. (Yes, I know, I need therapy.)

So here’s my question.

What would you give up and for what, if you could? Would you give up your sense of smell for a wrinkle-free face and no gray hair? Would you give up sex for the rest of your life if you could be a blue eyed, blonde bombshell? Would you take on a life threatening, although manageable, disease with no cure, for the perfect body?

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Sep 06 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

It’s Not Fair, This is Wrong, This Sucks!

I haven’t been blogging much lately. I have been busy, but that’s not really the reason. I tend to blog when my emotions are running amok. And I guess my emotions have been in check all summer. Despite some CRAZY highs all summer, diabetes has been playing fairly nicely at our house recently.

But for the past 3 days my emotions are on over-drive and I just have to write. And I have to be honest here and tell you that I don’t really have the right to be emotional about this one. And it’s not even about diabetes, directly anyway. I mean, a woman whom I don’t really know, except virtually, and have never met or had a conversation with, who lives thousands of miles away, lost her husband to cancer on Monday.

Doesn’t seem like it should affect me at all really.

Except that it does.

That woman and I are connected in a way that I can only share with a handful (okay, maybe a few more than a handful) of people, none of whom are my family members or friends.

That woman’s name is Meri Schuhmacher and she is kind of my hero, although she doesn’t know it, and if she knew how I felt about her, and how I stalk her blog, she would thank God that she lived thousands of mile away and then she would probably call the police!

I have talked about Meri to my friends, family and coworkers ad nauseam. And I have written about her and linked to her blog, multiple times in my own posts. I referenced her indirectly in “Did I Ever Tell You You’re My Hero?”. Gave her blog a shout-out in “I Have No Friends”, and shamelessly pimped her blog out not once, but twice, in “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Son”.

Her blog was one of the first ones I found after Medium was diagnosed. And honestly, immediately after stumbling upon it, I wanted to forget I ever found it. I had just fallen into the deep, dark pit of despair (DDPOD for short) and she was my worst nightmare come true. Not one, not two, but THREE boys with type 1 diabetes. I have three boys. The thought of my other two boys developing T1D was more than I could handle. I closed the lid of the laptop faster than a teenager getting caught looking at porn after I read her story.

But I came back, time and time again. Not in the “horrible train wreck that you can’t look away from” way, but in the, “this is the most humble, positive, real, genuine woman” kind of way. I felt a pull to her and her words. She comforted me in a way that people I have known my whole life couldn’t. It was a kind of “she so knows what I am going through” sisterhood that is rare and unique, but vital to anyone who goes through something like a child’s life-threatening diagnosis.  I have relied on her words time and time again over the past 8 months, and she doesn’t even really know who I am. In fact, hundreds of others rely on her wit and wisdom to help navigate the diabetic waters. She is like the Matriarch of the DOC (diabetes online community). She has blazed the path of raising diabetic kids. She’s not the first to do it, but probably the first to be so transparent and accessible to the rest of the world.

About a month after Medium was diagnosed, Meri posted that her husband’s cancer had returned in the form of metastasized melanoma. Over the next six months I watched (or rather, read) her face cancer and life with three type 1 kids in a raw, honest, humorous, loving and faithful way. Despite the dismal statistics of her husband’s diagnosis, Meri championed on as only Meri can. She would blog to the world about her fear and her moments of despair, and then turn right around and announce that she and her family were choosing hope, that there was no other option than to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

It was truly amazing to witness her fortitude and her surrendering to God’s will in such a dark time.

For the past three days, I have been struggling with my anger on behalf of my friend (it’s weird how I call her my friend when we don’t really know each other, but that is how she makes you feel, like she is your friend).

Unlike so many other couples, she and Ryan were actually in love with each other and best friends. Why couldn’t cancer take someone else’s husband, someone who didn’t really love their husband?

Meri was already dealt the crappy hand of having THREE kids with a life-threatening chronic disease with no cure. Why couldn’t cancer go pick on someone else who didn’t have such a full plate?

Meri chose hope and remained positive, put her faith in God and believed in a miracle. And for what? So cancer could rob her of  precious years left with her beloved and rip her family apart?

And what about the boys? Four boys are left without a father. Meri has to somehow help her children grieve and hold them when they are falling apart. But she has to grieve, too. And what happens when she needs to fall apart? And let’s not forget about diabetes. I can’t imagine how crazy the boys’ blood sugars are right now with all of the stress.

I feel guilty that my husband is healthy and that I fight with him. I feel guilty that I only have one child with T1D. I feel guilty that I don’t have to face this life alone.

I have read hundreds of Facebook and blog comments written to Meri over the last three days. And they all say the same thing. How sorry everyone is. How they wish they could take the pain away. How there are no words.

Yes there are words.

IT’S NOT FAIR!, THIS IS WRONG!, THIS SUCKS! are a few G-rated ones that come to mind.

Watching this happen to this family has made me question my faith. I don’t know why this has happened to them. I know that life goes on, and people eventually pull themselves up by the bootstraps and carry on.

But for right now, I can’t stop thinking about them. And I can’t stop being angry.

And if you can and you feel it in your heart to help financially support Meri and her boys, as Ryan was their sole source of income, please do so through this link.

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May 16 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

I Am Kicking Ass Over Here!

Today’s theme: One Thing To Improve

“Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at. Today let’s look at the flip-side. We probably all have one thing we could try to do better. Why not make today the day we start working on it. No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!”

This week has been so busy with school year-end activities: field trips, awards ceremonies, concerts and the ever-so-prestigious-and-totally-necessary (enter eye-roll) Pre-School graduation (hey, I am all for celebrating my kids and their accomplishments, this is just one that I think is a little silly and self-indulging, but what the hell….) that I have not been able to get my posts for D-Blog Week up until almost 11 p.m. We were done with all activities by 7:00 tonight so I thought I would be able to post sooner but alas, here I am, the late night poster again. But the reason for my tardy post is a good one. I have been overwhelmed with the amazing and totally supportive comments from all of my new friends! Just think, on Monday, no D-friends. Two days later, so many I have lost count! What an amazing community that is the DOC! Someone said it is the greatest club you never wanted to be a part of! Ain’t that the truth! I have never been so easily accepted into a group before. If you have or care for someone who has diabetes, then you are in, and in with love! Simply amazing!

Well, after all that sticky-sweet (pun intended) talk, it’s time to trash myself. I told you yesterday that I am much more comfortable at finding my faults. Actually I don’t have to find them at all, rather I try to hide them. Sigh.

So grab yourself a cup of coffee, (or vodka, I don’t judge) and pull up a comfy chair because here goes….

I need to be a better, wife, mom, sister and daughter. My family bears the brunt of most of my flaws.

I need to eat better, exercise and loose weight.

I need to stop buying bags and purses.

I am addicted to McDonald’s fountain diet Coke.

Oh wait, this is supposed to be something I could improve on related to my son’s diabetes…..sorry, I am so well aware of my flaws that they just roll off the tongue!

Hmmmm…….let’s see….something to improve on….um….well, there is….no. Well, what about….huh, no. Okay, okay how about…. hmmm……well this is awkward. I can’t really think of anything. It’s ironic. I am keenly aware of all of my personal faults, but when it comes to Medium’s diabetes, I AM ALL OVER THIS SHIT!!! Don’t get me wrong, I make mistakes, there are too many moving parts of diabetes care for even the long-time veterans to not make a mistake now again, but for a rookie such as myself, I pretty much ROCK! (Anyone else find it interesting that in the post where I was supposed to praise myself, I could barely do it, but here where I am supposed to call myself out on something I am calling myself a ROCK STAR?) But seriously, a carbohydrate doesn’t enter Medium’s body without me knowing about it, we have test strips, glucose tabs and snacks with us at all times, we have glucometers and cake gel in every level of our house and in both cars, I download Medium’s pump and pour over his numbers every 3-4 days, I buy home A1c kits so I won’t have to wait 3 months to know how he is really doing, I talk to the school nurse daily. Actually at Medium’s three month check up the other day the diabetes educator was almost irritated that I already knew everything he was going to tell us after downloading the pump; when Medium tended to be high, how close his CGM was to his meter BG’s, what his A1c was.  I am telling you, I AM KICKING ASS over here!

But it is exhausting, draining, paralyzing and all-consuming and my personal health and relationships are suffering because of it. I need to learn how to let up a little bit. I need to understand that I can’t be in control of this horrid disease at all times. I need to remember that I have two other kids who need me, too. I need to praise Medium more often for being such an easy diabetic kid to take care of. I need to remember to breathe.

Huh, look at that, I do have some things I could work on!

(You didn’t really think I was that conceited, did you?)

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May 15 2012
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It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

A Shout Out To Myself

Today’s theme: One Great Thing

“Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”. But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit. Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly! Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes. Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well!”

So you can see from the description that I am supposed to sing my own praises. I like to sing other people’s praises. I find self-deprecating behavior so much easier. I am my own worst critic. So I will start this post by singing others’ praises and we’ll see if I get around to the “tooting my own horn” part.

I was so excited to be a part of Diabetes Blog Week. I have only found a few other D-blogs even though I knew there were others out there. I just haven’t had time to find them. Being a D-mom can be lonely. You feel isolated. You feel like no one really knows what you go through on a daily, no make that hourly, basis. And if you do it well, make it look too easy, others really don’t know what you go through. So I couldn’t wait to find other D-moms to commiserate, and at times, celebrate with.

WOW.

I was overwhelmed today.

Around mid-morning at work I decided to check my personal email. Sometimes Medium’s school nurse emails me with questions or just FYI’s so I like to check it every so often. I couldn’t believe my eyes….several comments from other D-bloggers! I have had more hits today than ever before, I even had someone from Pakistan visit my blog! I’m international! And even though I started this blog for myself and to vent my feelings for myself, I have to admit, it is exciting and rewarding to know that others are reading and may be inspired, entertained, (or infuriated, as the case may be) by my words. And I have over a hundred new blogs to work my way through now! I can’t wait!

And here is the mouth-gaping-open thing I have learned about the DOC (diabetes online community). Even though yesterday none of these people knew me or knew of me or knew anything about me, today we are connected in a way that I can only share with them. It’s like when your child (or yourself) is first diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. One day you know nothing about the disease and, quite literally, the next day you could teach a class on the relationship between blood sugar, carbohydrates and insulin. Diabetes puts you on the fast track, both in education about the disease and anatomy and physiology of the human body. But it turns out it puts you on the fast track to immediate, deep friendships, too. And that part is amazing. Those blogs that I mentioned yesterday that I was in awe of, somehow each one of them found out that I mentioned them and each one of them messaged me with the most sincere words of praise, understanding and encouragement. I so wasn’t expecting it, and I actually started crying, right there at work in my chair with my coworkers looking at me like I was nuts (they do that a lot though 🙂 )

Imagine that feeling when you’ve been stranded, alone, on a desolate island and you realize that you are being rescued. That is how I felt. Those comments from those D-Moms (and others too!) were my life raft. I know it’s just a dinghy in the vast ocean that is diabetes, but I know now that I am drifting back towards civilization and these other moms are going to be my survival fuel. So a huge THANK YOU to them!  (And a special shout out to Laura of Houston We Have A Problem, for telling me how to add the banner!) I know I am going to learn so much from these women (and some men, too!) about things diabetic and not, and I am so re-energized by this. (The first piece of advice from someone will probably be to shorten my posts. I am well aware that they tend to be a little long in the tooth, but if you knew me, you would know that this is who I am. I am cognizant of it and will try my best to have relevant, educational, entertaining, passionate, SHORT posts whenever possible–but don’t hold your breath, I got shit to say! 🙂 )

So I promised to try and pimp myself out a bit, so here goes.

I am a great FAKE nurse.

I have a Bachelor’s degree (not in nursing) and worked a fancy corporate job back in the day, but quickly ditched the pantyhose (yes, we still wore pantyhose in those days) for poopy diapers when Large was born. By the time Medium came around 2 years later, I was desperate to use my brain for something other than nap time nursery rhymes and stimulating toddler talk. So I got a job as a Unit Secretary in an Emergency Room. I. LOVED. IT. I got to be near the action, but no one was going to die if I didn’t fax the correct piece of paper. I worked there for 9 years until a year ago when I went to work in the IT department for the same health system (it was time to start making a little more money for my time). I sat next to the ER doctors and nurses for 12 hours at a time learning from them. That has proven to be great training for being a D-mom.

So I do a pretty good job at all the nursey stuff that comes with having a D-kid (and there is a lot of it!) And while my time in the ER has given me more medical knowledge and experience than the average bear, I, in no way, compare to the true greatness that is a REAL nurse!

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May 14 2012
43 Comments
It Ain't Always Pretty...But It's My Life

I Have No Friends

So I am super excited to be participating in Diabetes Blog Week!  It makes me feel all official and professional and everything. It’s a place for all of us diabetes bloggers to gather and share information on the same topics and learn from each other. I so love the very few D-blogs that I have found so far and I am so excited to find and read more!

So, there is a cool banner and button to help display and promote Diabetes Blog Week, but I can’t figure out how to use them. As it is, it is 10:00 p.m. and I just got home about 30 minutes ago since leaving the house at 8:00 a.m. Today is the first day of Diabetes Blog Week and I am almost late in getting my first entry in, I don’t have time to figure out how to use the banner and button. And here is the real scary part,  (I work in IT….shhhhhhh…….please don’t tell anyone what a fraud I am!  Really, I just don’t have time right now to figure it out, if I had more time, I could figure it out…..I’m sure……)

Today’s theme is “Find A Friend:

“It seems the most popular thing about Diabetes Blog Week is that it helps us find blogs we weren’t reading yet and connect with some new blog friends. With that in mind, let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by making some new connections. Think about the d-blogs you read that you think we may not know about and introduce us to one that you love!! Let’s all find a new friend today! “

As if not being able to figure out to “grab” the banner and button didn’t make me feel stupid enough, I can’t even find any diabetes friends.  I mean, any new ones that you all wouldn’t know. I have found the “Big Guns”, D-Mom Blog, Our Diabetic Life, Candy Hearts, and Houston We Have A Problem but those gals are like legends in the DOC! (Diabetic online community–I learned that just the other day….).  Just look at their blogs, they are beautiful. I look at those blogs and all those feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing from junior high come rushing back. I want to be like them. Instead I have a very elementary looking blog layout and can’t figure out how to grab buttons (I hate that they use the word “grab” as if to imply how easy it is to just, grab, it and throw it on your blog…..pouring salt, twisting knife).

But I have 3 kids and a full-time job outside of the home and I have only been blogging for a little over 2 months (my 10 year-old was diagnosed with T1D about 3 months ago) so I don’t have anyone new for you to read. I guess that new blog is ME! I am my own new friend!  And admittedly, I started blogging for me and only me. I have always been a person who expresses herself best with the written word, so it is my therapy to blog it out. I really didn’t care if anyone read it. But then a few people did read it, and they gave me feedback and all of the sudden I wasn’t just writing for myself anymore. I am writing for an audience and I just want to keep my audience happy. I guess in the end, if my simple, button-less blog layout turns everyone off and no one is reading it anymore it doesn’t matter, because I was just writing for myself anyway. And the last time I checked, I can’t un-friend myself.

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